So, on Saturday I was waiting for the bus to head to school downtown. This is not something I ever intend to do on a Saturday, but had no choice. While sulking at the bus stop, I saw a man in a suit walk up. I saw him stop and talk to one of the other people waiting. He was flipping through a pamphlet, and my mind went 'shit. This guy is either mormon or seventh day advent, and either way I don't feel like dealing with it'. The bus rolled up and I breathed a silent thanks to Gods...a moment too soon. The man walked up an said his bit in the seconds before the doors open. I shrugged him off by saying I was saved and getting on the bus.
I thought nothing more of this occurance until this morning. Couldn't help but wonder, all this man wanted to do was hand me a magazine to teach me about his God. As a religion major, passionate about learning about how all different types of people interact with the devine, I turned him down. How does this reflect on me? This man's god is an aspect of mine...so why wouldn't I be eager to learn about him? Yes, I grew up in a christian environment, but that doesn't mean I understand all aspects of the christian god. Now I feel like I lost out on an opportunity, but I realize I could easily go to a local church to learn more if I really wanted to.
But why is it I react so violently to people trying to convert me? I know this goes back to my upbringing. I was constantly preached to because I didn't go to church. Even more often, I was told I was going to hell because I wasn't baptised. Don't get me wrong, I was a very christian person before my change of path. I never got baptised. I didn't feel that I was afraid of being dunked in water by someone I barely knew, but it just didn't feel right. Now I know it's because I didnt really fit on that path to begin with.
Which leads to my answer of 'I am saved'. Yes, in my own mind I have no fear of the hell that I don't believe exists and at one point did indeed accept Christ. I see him very differently now, but somehow I still find it acceptable to say I am saved. However, I use it as an excuse to not learn more about the aspect of deity I left behind. Being so opposed to learning is completely ridiculous for a person of my educational interests, and that applies to my personal religion as well. I need to stop being so dismissive of something that don't understand. Maybe next time I will take the opportunity to learn something. Maybe its time to let this god of the christians back in to my life.